Chapter Five: Insecurities

Abigail

*

Our second date went just as well as the first.  We both enjoyed the movie and talked for over an hour at the restaurant after finishing our meals.  We spent the drive back to my apartment discussing the film and the possibility of a sequel.  When we reached my building, he immediately got out of the car to open my door for me.

*

“Thank you,” I said as he took my hand to help me out.  He walked me up the stairs; I loved the feeling of having him walk beside me.  It’s hard to describe, that feeling.  Almost like safety, but not quite.  More like possibility.  “I had fun tonight,” I said when we’d reached my door, pulling my keys out of my purse and putting them into the lock.

*

“Me too.  Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

*

“Tomorrow?  You haven’t had enough of me yet?”  He can’t be serious.

*

“Nope, and I have a great idea for something to do tomorrow.”

*

Did he hit his head during the accident?  He must be suffering from a brain injury. “Well tomorrow’s Sunday.  I usually do my grocery shopping for the week and clean my kitchen.”

*

“Seriously?  You’d rather clean and go to the grocery store than spend time with me?”

*

Hell no.  I’d rather go to Vegas and marry you with only Elvis as a witness. “That’s not what I meant.”

*

“Good, I’ll pick you up at three.”  He pecked me on the cheek, turned, and darted down the stairs.

*

“Okay,” I called after him, but he didn’t hear me.  My voice hadn’t gotten louder than a whisper.

*

Ben

*

Abigail was an enigma.  A complete mystery to me.

*

I pulled into her apartment complex at twenty til three on Sunday and took a spot in the front row.  Turning off the engine, my mind ran through our first four encounters at warp speed.  I couldn’t figure her out.

*

She acts like she’s into me, but when I try to make plans she hesitates.  Am I reading her wrong?  I don’t want to force her to keep seeing me, but I can’t just let her go either.  When she’s with me, really with me in the moment, we can talk forever.  She’s completely confident and sexy when we’re having a conversation about movies or books or our families.  But as soon as I try and show her I like her, she retreats into a cocoon and suddenly she’s, what?  Protecting herself from me?  I don’t know.

*

As I got out of my car and closed the door, I came to the conclusion that today would decide things.  If she didn’t like me, I wasn’t going to keep putting myself out there.  This wasn’t going to be a repeat of Rebecca.

*

“You’re early!” she exclaimed as she opened the door, wearing sweatpants and a white tank top.  Her thumb hitched back towards the clock on the wall.  Only 2:45?  I’d only wasted five minutes in the car over-thinking the situation?

*

“Well, my mother taught me that ten minutes early is actually five minutes late.  Punctuality is an important virtue to have.”  What the hell am I saying?  I’m such an idiot.

*

“Your mother should’ve clarified, for meetings, appointments, school- things like that, it’s great to be early.  But for a date!  Give a girl an extra ten minutes!”  She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the apartment.  I laughed out of relief; she wouldn’t be joking so early in the date if she weren’t interested, right?

*

“Your kitchen looks very clean and smells lemon fresh,” I teased, turning to face her.

*

“Oh, be quiet.  Here, sit down for five minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”  She dashed into what I assumed was her bedroom before I could respond.  Instead of sitting down, I circled the living room, trying to discover more about her.

*

She liked Van Gogh, four prints of his hung above her couch.  Beside the TV stand, an enormous case stuffed to the gills displayed her collection of books.  Most were tattered, the bindings broken with pages spilling out.   More books littered the coffee table.  I finally sat on the couch, but only to get a better look at the picture frame on the end table.  Abigail as a little girl, holding out a flower to a silver-haired man.  Her dad, maybe?

*

“Okay, I’m ready.”  She stepped out of the room and smiled at me.  I swear my heart stopped beating for a second.  She looked stunning in a simple blue t-shirt, black leather jacket, and jeans, her cheeks glowed, and her lustrous brown hair bounced as she walked towards me

*

“You look great,” I breathed as I stood up.

*

“I’d look better if you hadn’t been so early.”

*

“I doubt that.”  She couldn’t look any better than this.

*

“Please, I’m a mess.  Let’s just go.”  She led the way out the door and down the stairs to the parking lot.  I opened the car door for her and silently got in the driver’s seat.  It didn’t make any sense.  Did she not see the same girl I saw?

*

“Why do you do that?” I asked.

*

“Do what?  What did I do?”

*

“Refuse to accept a compliment.”

*

“What are you talking about?  You haven’t said anything since you got in the car.”

*

“No, I mean back at your apartment.”

*

“Oh.  Well, I guess I thought you were just being nice.  I don’t know.  I mean, I don’t think I look great.”  She stared down at her hands in her lap and I felt guilty for bringing it up, but I couldn’t let her think like that.  I faced her once we arrived at our destination.

*

“Well, you do.  Don’t assume the rest of the world sees you the way you see yourself.  Maybe if you start believing compliments instead of dismissing them, you’ll start to see yourself the way others see you.”

*

Her eyes met mine, but she didn’t smile.  Her mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out.

*

One more attempt can’t hurt. “You look really nice today.”

*

“Thank you, so do you.”

*

“Thank you.”  I smiled and she finally did, too.  “See that wasn’t so hard.  Now, are you ready for something incredible?”

*

“Absolutely,” she laughed, “what?”

*

“This.”  I pointed straight ahead at the building in front of us.  She turned her head towards it, but then quickly back to me.

*

“And what is this?”

*

“We’ll have to go in to find out.”  I opened my door and got out to get hers, but she was too quick for me.

*

Abigail

*

He took my arm by the elbow to lead me inside.  As he pulled open the door, I heard the cling of a bell and stepping inside I saw a large, bright room filled with bookshelves.

*

“This is the best bookstore in the city.”  He continued guiding my arm and led me to the closest set of shelves.  “The owner is a book collector and she loves tracking down rare books.  She always tries to keep a collection of first and second edition copies of classic books on display.  I thought you’d like to see them.  Here, take a look.”  He pointed to a row of books behind a glass case.  I didn’t look immediately, instead I stared into his face.

*

“Thank you.  For bringing me here.”

*

“You’re welcome.  I thought you’d like it.  But, you’re missing the best part- look.”  He grasped my shoulders and spun me around so I was directly in front of the glass case.  The first title my eyes fell on was Pride and Prejudice.

*

“Did you say the owner collects first editions?’

*

“Yes, I did.”

*

“And this case is her collection of rare books?  Of first editions?”

*

“Well, it isn’t her whole collection, but basically, yes.”

*

“And that,” I pointed, “is that a first edition of Pride and Prejudice?”

*

“Yes it is,” a woman’s voice answered from behind me.  I turned around and a cheerful little woman of about forty stood there.  “Hello, I’m Nancy.  I own this store.  Are you an Austen fan?”

*

“You could say that.  Austen-obsessed is more like it.  Oh, sorry, I’m Abigail.”

*

She laughed, shook my hand, and gestured back towards the case.  “Well, then you’ll also be interested in the first editions I’ve collected of Sense and Sensibility, Emma, and Persuasion.  I’m still in negotiations with another dealer for Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park.”

*

“I can’t even believe it.  I’ve always dreamed of owning a first edition of Pride and Prejudice, but I never honestly believed I’d see one.”

*

“Would you like to see it more closely?”

*

“Oh my God, yes!”

*

“Luckily, the volumes are in excellent condition, though still fragile, so you’ll have to be gentle.  And you can only see one at a time.  I’ll take the first over to one of the couches for you and you can sit and read for a little bit.  I’m leaving in about an hour, if you finish beforehand, Ben can come and find me.”

*

“Thank you so much!  I promise I’ll be extremely careful.”

*

“You’re welcome dear, I know you will.  From one Austen lover to another, I don’t like to keep these books locked up in a case.  She would’ve hated that.  She wanted her books to be read and loved by all.”

*

“Yes, she did.”

*

Nancy left us with Volume I at a plush couch in the center of the store.  A few other customers were quietly reading and seemed completely oblivious to the treasure in front of them.

*

“Ben, I can’t even find the words to tell you how much this means to me.”

*

“That’s pretty much what I was going for.  Here, sit and read.  I’m going to go and browse through the sports section.”

*

I did as he suggested, carefully running my fingers over the cover and gingerly opening the book to the title page.  I had to fight back the tears that came to my eyes.

*

An hour later, Ben’s hand on my shoulder, heavy and firm, roused me from my trance.

*

“Nancy’s about to leave for the day.  She needs to put the book back in its case.”

*

“Of course.”  Closing the book, I profusely thanked Nancy, then handed it to her.

*

“Don’t worry about it, dear.  I’m happy I could do this for you.  Ben told me how much you love to read and that makes you a kindred spirit.”  We followed her to the front of the store and she placed Pride and Prejudice into its case.

*

“I’ll let you know when I have the whole set,” she said to Ben as she closed and locked the glass door.

*

“I’m sure we’ll be back before then,” he replied.

*

“Absolutely,” I agreed.  He beamed at me.

*

“It was lovely to meet you, dear.”  Nancy squeezed my hand, turned, and walked away from us.

*

“Do you want to look around?” Ben asked once she was out of sight.

*

“Not today, but we’ll come back soon.”

*

He smiled again and we made our way to the exit.  Our hands brushed each other’s briefly and sent a shock through me- literally.  He jumped, too.  The store’s carpet must have caused static electricity.  Is the universe trying to tell me something? I folded my arms across my chest so we wouldn’t accidentally shock each other again, but he just laughed at me.

*

“Don’t be silly,” he said, stopping and facing me.  He unfolded my arms and firmly took my hands in his.  We stood still for a minute, both of us looking down at our intertwined fingers.  He dropped them after another minute and we were walking side-by-side again.  This time when our fingers brushed together, there was no spark, but his hand closed around mine.  I couldn’t believe this beautiful man wanted to hold my hand.

*

We walked this way out to the car.  He followed me to the passenger side, but didn’t unlock and open the door.   Instead, he leaned towards me and I thought he was going to kiss my cheek like he had before, but he didn’t.  He hesitated for a moment, his eyes darting to mine, his hand reaching up to my cheek, and then kissed me.

*

His lips were soft and gentle.  They parted and his tongue gently traced the opening of my mouth.  I let him in, shocked at how good it felt.   He pulled his mouth closed, covering my bottom lip, and shifted to my upper one, each move deliberate and precise.  After a few more seconds of this ecstasy, I opened my eyes and looked into his face.  Oh god, what are you doing to me?

*

I’d kissed guys before.  Guys had kissed me before.  But never like that.  Ben’s kiss: Wow.  Where’d he learn to kiss like that?  Completely perfect, from the softness of his lips, to his minty fresh breath, to the way he delicately held my cheek.  He knew exactly what to do.

*

He gazed into my eyes as I pondered how it was possible that this gorgeous man might actually like me.  He seemed too good to be true.

*

*

<– Chapter Four: Ah, the First Date?********************Chapter Six: Knowledge –>